Be the change you want to see in the world

I care very deeply. About people, nature, wildlife, … and life itself. I burn many a midnight oil contemplating the intricacies of the things we do and how we do them.

New perceptions have helped me resolve deep issues, like conflicts within my marriage (learning how to hear my husband in spite of how much it hurts) and my approach towards global problems highlighted on the ‘net.

Instead of shooting from the emotional hip, I’ve learned to approach conflicts from a neutral perspective, which has bore the fruit of harmony and contentment.

It has occurred to me, and if you stop to think about it for a bit …, that it’s simply mind-blowing that harmony would ever be possible with each of us having our own thoughts and goals. Even nations have different ideas …

Living in South Africa is challenging ‘cos the overriding principle is, “eat, or be eaten”. On a daily basis, you’re confronted with overwhelming problems and dire situations, more often than not, related to crime and/or poverty. To cope with “survival of the fittest” you’ve pretty much gotta tune out your emotions.

It took a while after moving here (NL) before I could see how gentle life can be. This is the society I’ve always dreamed of living in. The weak and poor are cared for, and we’re treated fairly, on an equal basis. Human rights are valued and upheld.

But there is a high cost for the Dutch way of life.

The Netherlands is well maintained thanks to it’s high percentage of tax payers. There are nearly 17 million people living on this tiny piece of earth, with a very well-educated and highly-skilled labour force. For a roof over your head, food in your belly, transport to/from work, and of course, to pay the compulsory insurances and taxes, you need to earn a minimum of EUR 1600,00 per month.

Life here is expensive! I’m no economist, but I get the idea that the Dutch cost of living allows us to support ourselves (and each other) thus keeping the economy afloat. Gee, a while back, they even debated taxing us for breathing clean air!

The unseen cost is the Kilimanjaro of red tape. Every scenario’s been considered and loop holes sewn shut. It’s sad that such stifling is needed. And yet, in spite of the rules, you still hear of people up to no good. The darkest of deeds in stark contrast to the kindness we see. Even here, life is not perfect.

As far as I can remember, I’ve had an unrelenting compulsion to help others. I’ve wanted to be involved as much as I can to help preserve the balance between what Mother Nature provides and what we (mankind) cook up for ourselves.

I signed up to various non-profit organisations, from wildlife to human rights, with an onslaught of worthy causes that followed. I forwarded e-mails, signed petitions, donated even more money, and appreciated the difference it made. It made me feel good – I was being kind and caring. But, it has to be said, I also looked down at people who’d not “seen the light”. How could they not see? And just sit there and do nothing?? It infuriated me. I couldn’t understand.

Over the years I heards whispers of corruption and mistruths … within the very circles I was fighting for. From directors paying themselves exhorbitant fees and taking long “business” trips to places not covered by the cause, to facts and stats that had been manipulated to enhance their arguments. I didn’t know who or what to believe anymore. Feeling dismayed and betrayed, I closed my wallet to show my disgust.

Then it dawned on me …

We’re all just pieces of one humungous jigsaw.

I was presenting my little puzzle piece as “the truth, the whole truth and nothing else is relevant” and expected everyone else to see it exactly the same way. Futile and frustrating. Not to mention alienating myself from others.

It’s futile because the beauty (and challenge) of life is that each of us sees things through different eyes. Everything we touch, taste, see, smell and think occurs through our personal perception of the world. A perception that begins in the womb, and alters throughout our experiences.

The culmination of our perceptions is what makes us unique. But the concept that blind-sided me, was:

Every single opinion is just one piece of the puzzle.

Including the ideas expressed in this article! Granted, some opinions are more balanced in their consideration, but in the end, none of us know or can see the whole picture. My husband says it eloquently, “we are all right, and we are all wrong”.

Some perceptions are easy to agree with, and others make us sick to our stomachs. Not in any way am I condoning or justifying evil deeds, I am simply questioning our method of interaction; in dealing with the ugly stuff too.

When judging a conflict, have we been given truthful facts or someone’s impassioned version of them? Are we seeing the situation for what it is or are we slanting reality? Whose reality is it anyway? Are we free to make open-minded and impartial decisions or are we enslaved by our emotional needs? How deep can we dig to find this truth within ourselves?

Language has the difficult task of finding ways for us to compare perceptions; a system in itself that is flawed – one word can have up to 10 different meanings!

When expressing our ideas, we choose our words knowing the intention behind them.

But what if the recipient doesn’t know that particular meaning, or associates it in different way, like from his/her cultural perspective, or from the way the word gets used at home or among friends?

When you consider these possibilities, it’s amazing we understand each other at all!

My foray into eco-evangelism was eye opening. Faced with such emotional conflicts, I tried to help, but was acting less like a caring, loving person and more like a passive-aggressive warrior looking to pick a fight, ready to pounce on anyone stepping out of line.

If you’re constantly looking for thorns, when do you smell the roses?

Perched on my high horse, I’d play the “name-and-shame” blame game, chastising those at fault. Instead, I could have looked at the whole picture and applauded what was good. I could have tried to understand why they were doing what they did. I could have helped find a feasible solution to resolve that conflict. But I didn’t. I sat there instead, ridiculing “their stupidity”. What a waste! Talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water!

What I dig about the internet is that it’s paved the way for transparency and provided a means for listening to conflicting voices. Being such emotional beasts is both a blessing and a curse. As a species we do ghastly things, and some of it I’ll probably never fully understand. But instead of biased holier-than-thou judgement, how about we take another approach, and properly talk with each other? I mean really find out what the other is trying to achieve and why. Genuine care. Genuine concern. We can respect our different pieces of life’s confusing puzzle and still find a way to common ground.

Meaningful communication is hindered by our personal perceptions and grasp of a language, but with patience and mutual respect, we can learn about each other … and about our fantastic world. It starts with you and me … at home, at work, at play.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

PS. While I was finalising this article, our inbox delivered the latest CCF newsletter, in which they talk about their interaction with a local farmer who’d shot a cheetah. Thanks to the radio collar, CCF were called in. But instead of scorning him, Dr Laurie Marker respected his anger at the loss of his livestock (incidently not caused by the cheetah) and showed him a feasible alternative (read our article, Cheetahs saved by Kangal Dogs).

With this better understanding, he’s now joined their cause and is working with others to help increase awareness of how to farm in harmony with predators. This caring approach made me cry wonderful, happy tears, also when CCF ended their article (read here) quoting Ghandi’s wise words.